Chapter 18: What is your favorite motto?

My favorite motto is “Simple is best.”

I started using this motto while teaching English conversation classes. When speaking in our native language, our sentences can be rather long. But, when speaking in a foreign language, and you try to make long sentences, you will probably make many mistakes. It’s best to stick with the simple sentence – SVO – subject, verb and object. One of the first English sentences that Japanese students learn in school is, “This is a pen.” Of course, as your English abilities improve, the sentences will become longer and more complex.

With that said, I seldomly do things simply. I will give you some examples.

When I was at Phu Cat, Vietnam, our barracks were open bay. That means that there were no rooms, just two long rows of bunkbeds. We had large wooden lockers that separated each living space, but there was no wall going down the aisle side of the room. Most of the guys would hang a blanket to make some privacy. I wanted something better. I ordered 1939 Sears catalog wallpaper and some carpet floor tiles. I put the wallpaper on the back of the locker on one side of my room. The carpet tiles had adhesive, so they were easy to install. I had an old friend in CE, so I went to his shop to scrounge some plywood to make a wall. He gave me a couple of sheets of plywood but said it would look nicer if I covered it with mahogany veneer. He also gave me some wood to make a desk. He recommended that I burn the wood, sand it and then varnish it to have an antique look. My room was always the “go-to” room when there was a barracks inspection from higher command. This was my first experience at “scrounging.”

Some of the guys in the barracks at Phu Cat wanted to have a BBQ. We had a Base Exchange (BX) but they were limited on food. They had frozen hot dogs and hamburgers, but that was about it. I got with one of my friends from the dining facility, a.k.a. chow hall. I asked for some steaks and he said they were out of them, but he had a steamship round. I had no idea what that was and when he showed me, my eyes almost popped out. It was huge! When you go to a buffet and they slice the beef from a large roast, that is a steamship round. I took it and figured that I could cut it into steaks. The problem was I didn’t have any cooking utensils. No problem, there was an old rusty saw. Make do with what you have. From then on, I always tried to make the BBQs bigger and better.

The biggest BBQ I had was at Kadena. I invited anyone from the barracks who wanted to come. There was a huge barbecue area near the barracks. There were tables and small grills under the trees surrounding a very large field. I had a few Japanese military friends. I had met the Japanese base commander previously, so I invited him and the whole base to the BBQ. About 100 of them and their families joined us. Since so many were coming, I had to think of how to make it interesting. First. I got hold of a dunking booth. It was a big hit, especially when we got the Japanese base commander on the seat. The Japanese really went all out. One group put on a show using rifles with bayonets. The movement that impressed me the most was when they flipped the rifle into the air and after catching it, they thrust the bayonet within an inch of the person opposite him. Another group gave a karate demo by going through all of the stances, breaking boards, etc. We were invited to try to break some boards. Ouch! Finally, after having a few beers, we had a sumo match. Size doesn’t matter, it’s all about technic. They were happy beating me every time.

Another BBQ at Kadena wasn’t so big but is wasn’t simple. Our base had a major inspection. The person in charge of inspecting the munitions area was a colonel and he was also my and several of my friends’ commander in Thailand. We asked him to join a BBQ after the inspection was finished on the following Saturday. He said that he would be happy to join us. Well, on the day of the BBQ, a typhoon was heading for Okinawa. We had already bought the food and drinks so there was no way we were going to cancel. Around mid-morning of the BBQ day, we went to see the colonel to see if he was still ok. He looked at us, looked outside at the wind and rain, then looked at us again and said we were crazy. We agreed. He joined us and all had a great time.

I’ve had numerous large BBQs throughout the years. In recent years, the biggest barbecues of mine were at my house where I live now. There is a large piece of land between my house and  the train tracks. The land is owned by the Japan Railway Company (JR), but I make use of it for  gardening and barbecuing. (Using this land is another story in itself.) I have a cooking crew including FY, Ichirou, Yoshhi and TS. They have been my chief barbecue chefs for years now. The biggest party that I had included about 80 people. The main menu was chicken, sausage, potato salad and baked beans. Occasionally I would additionally have smoked salmon, turkey roasts, hamburgers, ribs, etc. A friend of mine had a country band. Sadly, he passed away earlier this year. I made a stage for his band with electric guitars, drums and speakers. These barbecues were a little crazy. The police came by at two or three of my BBQs. They were very nice but recommended that we move the party inside once the sun starts to set.

Whenever I prepare for a BBQ, I would buy food for the number of people who planned to attend, then I would add food for at least ten more people. My guests would also bring many Japanese side dishes.

With the COVID19 pandemic continuing, I have a feeling that there will be no more mega-BBQs. Also, my age is slowing me down. Reminds me of a song, “Those were the days my friend. We thought they’d never end. We’d sing and dance forever and a day…”

For my everyday-life, I think it is rather simple. When I have a project, such as barbecuing, gardening, etc. I usually go to the extremes. They are anything but simple.

Below are examples of the Sears catalog wallpaper, mahogany veneer and antiqued wood.